Getting older

"Basket" by Dan Mangan

We are young
We have years ahead maybe
We might fall in love
Fall apart
Fall apart
Before it ends
Well we should try to start

So I'll go but I'm telling you I don't wanna go
Could be stuck here and happy

So there's a puzzle I work on endlessly
And I've got the sides and all the corners
But there's a space
Yeah there's a space
Lost some pieces I can't replace

So I'll be but I'm telling you I don't wanna be
Just a wasted puzzle piece

We are old
And our son took the dog away
And fair enough, guess we're tired all the time
All the time
And you know dogs they need ample time outside

So I'll stay but I'm telling you I don't, I don't wanna stay
So I'll brace myself against the wall and hope to God that I don't fall
My bones are worn, my hip won't hold
I used to be so young, how did I get so old?
Won't you take my cane and hold my hand
You're holding onto all I have
Just a basket full of memories
And I am losing more each day it seems
But if I can make it to the street
I'll steal a car or a bike whatever there is to steal
And it might get cold I just don't care
I'm going 'til I'm getting there
I'll ride my steed all through this town
'Til I have looked and I have found
Your peaceful memory
Won't you return to me?
Won't you return to me?


Getting older: it's something we all dread/fear. I look forward to aging with grace. How can one do that in a world where we have dementia, arthritis, memory lapses and revolked licences taking away? Well, I want you all to check out this website= http://keegansuttie.univera.com from a company called univera. It's a company I strongly believe in; I am on the products which I know are scientifically sound and they work. I have partnered with this company and I want to share what it is with you, my friend, family and those who have stumbed on this blog.

Autumn is here!

well autumn is here- it's been amazing weather. This thanksgiving w/e I've been in the okanagan with my parents in Penticton, along with my twin sis and brother-in-law. We've been going on hikes, just finished walking part of the KVR trail (overlooking Okanagan lake) we even got to eat some grapes off the vine on our walk! Turkey is in the oven, music is playing AND I just got the good news that I got a new apartment to live in! That's right I am moving out of the house Im in now- the girls are all moving out for various reasons so Ive been looking for a place to live in vancouver and it's been hard to find something in the neighborhood I want! But alas I found a 1-bedroom i am sharing with my good friend Melissa (one of my current roomies also).

So here are some pics from this weekend...oh and check out my new hair do!







Jen's baby belly shots! (16 weeks now)

Life so far....

So, I'm getting settled into Vancouver living. I'm reading more books, cycling to work and for recreation. I'm going on dates (I have one on Sunday as a matter of fact:) Meeting new people at work- there are many young new grads and most of the nurses here are around my age.

I am getting more involved with a company called Univera (www.univera.ca). The people who are in have a zest for living well, and they want to age gracefully (don't we all?) I'm reading Stephen Cherniski's book "The Metabolic Plan" I highly suggest it for tips on living longer, better lives and being able to physically and mentally thrive in the world through diet and adding certain compounds/vitamins/nutrients (but doing it the right way).

I put my car for sale on craigslist (Honda Civic LX 1994 white auto) b/c I rarely use it now. I want to work hard to pay off debt this year.


I'm gonna be an auntie! Jennica is due with child at the end of March- so excited for her and Jamie:)

i love living with my roomates though we're hardly all together at once. We try to eat a meal together once a week (Tuesdays this year). There's 5 of us in a 3-level house near commercial drive.

I am baking more and want to learn to cook more of a variety of things.

my summer adventures so far...

So JUly has been a month of accomplishing things I've always wanted to try, reconnecting with family and making new friends. I've spent nearly everyday hanging out or talking with Jennica (my twin sister). It seems now that we are practically neighbors and both have July off we are talking on our adventures together! I also went to vancouver folk fest and met a bunch of people, had some beers with them on west 4th on friday night after the first evening concerts were done. The next day I ran into them (minus 3 people) and we spent the rest of the day listening to Dan Mangan, Great Lake Swimmers, the Proclaimers, and Steven Page. So much fun! The next day it was just Russ and me and we had fun going from stage to stage (there were 7 stages). We really hit it off and after the festival ended we made plans to meet on thursday (last night).

MOnday I took a ferry over to the Sunshine coast with a few friends from chilliwack and we went kayaking all day then had dinner at one of the girl's mom's house. Next we had some wine and cheese and went in a hot tub in the woods at our bed and breakfast. We had a good sleep and ate a pancake breakfast before going on hike to see a beutiful view of the ocean from above. Wednesday night I biked to the fireworks to Vanier park to watch with jennnica and jamie's friends. The highlight for me was the actual fireworks and beating all the pedestrians and cars on our bicycles and making great time! On my date with Russ we went on a nice date to Granville island Theater sports (another event I always wanted to see). Then we had a late dinner on the docks overlooking the boats at "Bridges" it's situated between burrard and granville bridges on grandville island.

The adventures continue as I am headed to MIssion Folk fest today with my roomates and Russ might meet up with me tonight to catch the shows. Me, Jennica and my younger sister who's coming out on monday to visit us are doing dinner and a movie! it will be nice to have the 3 sisters together again!

Next on the list is going to the island with jennica hoping to meet up with our friend amy to go to Tofino! Camp there for a night or 2, then spend some time with amy and her family and head to Thetis Island for camp! I will be the camp nurse and amy's family will be running the camp for the week for 12-14 year olds at a camp called pioneer pacific.

sorry no pics as I have no camera now (haven't for a couple months now, I lost it).

bye all- leave comments about your summer adventures!

For those who are gone, and still here...

This poem is dedicated to all the palliative nurses I worked with in Chilliwack who can all say they’ve been through this situation before. Also to the families as they watch their loved ones die. I hope the transition was somewhat eased as one of us experienced these moments with you.

“I can smell the death on the sheets covering me. This is the end…” Relient K

‘How much longer does she have?’
How do I begin to answer the question you couldn’t bear to ask?
I’ve lost track how many countless times I’ve been asked this question.
Sometimes I feel like the grim reaper, or rather the bearer of such devastating news.
In the end I say it could be minutes, hours, even days or weeks.
The longer the dying process the heavier the load is on your shoulders.
You spend all your waking hours, tired eyes slumped shoulders, weary spirit
being with the one you love, you did love or that you never loved at all.
Maybe you feel guilty for never being there all those years and
being with her right now is your salvation.
Perhaps you selfishly want her to be in this dying/alive state as you process how saying goodbye is going to be.
I give the last shot of her Morphine, reposition her emaciated, sunken, skeleton-like body in bed.
As the final breath is taken I sit with you as I lay my stethoscope on her chest.
After a minute I look up and nod in confirmation with you as our eyes meet.
I acknowledge she is gone as I watch the tears stream down your cheeks.
In these moments I imagine if this was my mother lying there, how would I be taking it?
I barely know you yet here we are in the same room holding this moment together in
the intimate space of the hospital room full of the smell of antiseptics, perspiration, urine, feces and bleached linens.
I leave the room to let you grieve, as you know how.
Everyone is different, and some goodbyes take hours, some minutes.
All I can offer you is my hand on your shoulder, a hug, my condolence, and maybe a box of Kleenex.
I can’t tell you how you should feel.
Every-time this happens I shed tears for each one that dies, even the ones I barely knew,
But when I see your tear-streamed grief-stricken face it causes my eyes to well up
And my heart to ache just a little more as one more soul leaves this world.
People wonder how I can do this job,
but I feel so fortunate to be there standing with people in their darkest, bleakest moments.
Not to be there to tell them it’s going to be okay
Rather to stand with them, beside them and just let them be.
How much longer till I can do this again?
Right now there’s no other place I’d rather be.

in a new city now!

Vancouver: I have arrived! Thursday I drove the half-tonne Budget truck from Vancouver to Chilliwack, packing it up then driving back to Van. I had my faithful helpers on both sides.


Rewind for a moment: I spend a wonderful day on Canada day celebrating in, of all places, Vancouver! I did some bus hopping and walking to Granville island with Meliss, then we went to a back yard bbq fundraiser for an arts magazine starting in September. Every singe guy I talked to (and I talked to at least 7 of them) were gay. I had the best conversations and everyone was so friendly and approachable. I told people I was going to be moving to Vancouver and I look forward to seeing many of these people again at future events. I told one guy I might even check out his boyfriend's drag queen show in October!

So now here I am, boxes unpacked, pictures to be hung on the wall. I spent today on my bicycle with jennica biking to kits beach so much fun that I live so close to such amazing people: tonight I get to see my 3 brothers (jamie included), my friends hil and adrian, and jennica!

Am I a crazy person?

I was looking at my blog archives and came across this entry. Click on the word "weather" below to read what I wrote back in 2006.

My updated adventures..

My feet dangling above the Grand Canyon
so I've not updated this thing in a long time, mostly due to facebook taking over. I realize that my life has become a lot more adventurous lately so I figured it would be time to update those memories on here! I've been keeping a written journal but I want to put some of it on here, maybe add some pictures or two, a video here or there, you get the picture.

Here's what I've done since my Colorado trip:

1. I started a staff newsletter at my work.

2. Went snow shoeing at manning and cypress (saw the sunset over vancouver and look down on the moonlit ocean from up on the mountain.

3. Flew to Vegas and drove over 3,000 miles to camp and hike at 7 national parks in the desert in utah, arizona and nevada, ending at the Grand Canyon!
4. Decided to quit my job and move to vancouver to work at VGH (I start Aug.10th). i get to live with my best friend and 4 other young women!

5. Went to LOts of concerts in Vancouver and did SO much driving back and forth from Chilliwack and Van (I was seeing a guy there plus i've been reconnecting with my twin sister and her husband and visiting my best friend).

6. I just celebrated my 30th birthday and went VEGAS this past weekend with my family and Melissa (my best friend).

7. Camping at Deer lake with friends, and in Pemberton with a friend.







On one of my walks near my house, watching the ducks.

Gabe and I at the hotsprings in Pemberton.